she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize