girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
