Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
