I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
