it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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