would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
