You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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