omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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