I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
