I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
