im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
