Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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