you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
