Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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