I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
