I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
foreskin is a definite game changer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize