dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize