You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
