I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
