If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
