"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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