i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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