His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
