so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
