you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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