shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's blow job season.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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