well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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