my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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