When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize