New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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