I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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