I'm gonna have a badass scar
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
