Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
