I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
