I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
