The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
