Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
