Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize