U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
