Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
