my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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