she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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