Are we in a gay sports bar?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
