I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize