This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
