just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
