I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
