u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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