it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
