Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
