youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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