Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
