Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
