I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
