if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
