I wish i was in the wii world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
