I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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