dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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