Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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