i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
