Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
