Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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