playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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