for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
