he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
