I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
