um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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