please come you make the beer taste better
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize