The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
