my vag is so smooth its legendary
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone came in the potted fern
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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