You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
