i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
