I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
