You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
