3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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