you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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