It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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