What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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