The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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