Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
