You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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