his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
