just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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