Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
look no pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
