I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize