im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
