Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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