the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
