I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you still have your period?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
