i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
