I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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