Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
