My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
