Dual....:-)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He better not be in your backpack
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
