last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
