My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
