DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
